fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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