i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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