Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
