dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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