Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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