sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
