WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
