can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
PANTIES FOUND
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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