Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize