there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
