I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
