A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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