doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
