ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
