Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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