god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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