what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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