Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
