she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
