Four minutes until I can fart!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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