and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
