we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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