Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
