you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
