i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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