I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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