i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
