i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
