Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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