help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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