Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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