I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
