I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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