My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
