M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
