Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
