I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
