just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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