Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
