I could have mohawked her pubes.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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