Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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