i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
