you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
