3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
