I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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