Swine flu. Run for my life!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
