It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
