ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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