I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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