I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
