just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
