We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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