Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
