GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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