YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
this beer tastes like vomit already
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
