I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
