Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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