Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
