i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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