it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
