The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
