There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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