when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
