You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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