I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
