I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
