There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
