Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
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another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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