Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
